But now is to give examples of how, in practice, these rules are implemented in the stories of our contemporaries. To begin with we present an excerpt from the study of ethnographers who have studied the situation in Central Asia in the years 1980-1990.
"Women-Europeans who live in marriage with the indigenous nationalities, the vast majority do not local born. The story of their emergence in Central Asia is almost always the same: the young man was in the army or at school, at work, met a girl, got married, had brought with him. Several times I have met in the role of wife of a Muslim woman from the local Russian village. However, exceptions to the rule did not happen: it always turned out that she was not one of the old-timers, and came to the country shortly before her marriage. Basically, it was those who were evacuated from central Russia during the war.
More often than Russian women agree to marry a Muslim, having only a vague and distant from reality idea of what awaits them. Many are traveling to Central Asia for reasons of material well-being and severely repent already in place. ("There's something in Russian, it is the groom that is, European-dressed, said that he had three houses here. And here come - that she was in a clay house to do?"). Often young daughter in-laws did not accept, and live apart from them as circumstances permit. Sometimes the young are trying to breed, since without the consent of the bride he has looked more closely with local bride. Between in-law and in Russian "freedom-loving" daughter-start an argument. So many marriages break up at the beginning of their life together. Most of the women in these cases goes back.
Some of the younger spouse is described withstand the test, and then occurs, as a rule, the following. Women gradually resign themselves to their roles daughter in a patriarchal family, internalize norms of conduct adopted by the locals, learn a language, and, ultimately, how the informants said, absolutely "obuzbechivayutsya" or "otadzhichivayutsya." So, that in this way, to save a marriage Russian wife takes tremendous patience. Then it begin to consider their own and treat her well - but only on condition that she converted to Islam and will comply with customs.
The women in these cases, dramatic changes. Their behavior, dress, talk, lifestyle are sometimes indistinguishable from the local residents. It happens that the woman had almost forgotten his native language. Here are a few short but specific stories: "One girl from Russia brought after the Tajik army. The first time, as here she was, crying, came to complain, and now - you can not tell from the Tajik women: by language, by their clothing (trousers wearing them), gave birth to five children and became similar in appearance "," She was married to an Uzbek, obuzbechilas, her husband Tapping on the head ... "" One was brought from Vladimir, very young. Caught. In Russian almost never speaks. I have it in Uzbek ask - Why was this? - I do not know ... ".
And now we present recollection of the returning of Islam, describing the inside, all the "charms" of Islamic family for those who have gone from Christ to Mohammed:
"In the fifteen years I have been living with his parents in Germany. I was nineteen years old when I met Fatih. He was the only young man who did share my views on the world, on God. I was Orthodox. He is a Muslim. When we met, my faith was cooling. I only saw the hypocrisy and bigotry in the temples. Never heard of God in his soul. Someone like me, without it was impossible. When I do not feel God in my life, I have a feeling that I do not live and die slowly, that life has no meaning. Fatih was just a good friend. He was sixteen years old, but he looked older, and by his behavior and thought I would give it no less than twenty. He lied to me, saying he had 17. When I noticed that he gradually began to appear to me any feelings, I said that we should not see each other anymore, because the relationship between us is possible. For six months we have not seen. My defection from the Church continued ...
About Fatih I remembered all this time, and I missed it. Once in six months, we met by chance in the street, but did not say hello. And then still have phoned and decided to meet. After meeting with him, I realized that a loved one (not counting my mother, of course) have never seen on this earth. I learned that he was very ill, so that his hard-saved by doctors. I dread presented, that this man, who seems completely native, I could no longer see. I did not want him any close relationship, since it did not take the flesh (on the contrary, I found it strange to imagine that between us something maybe). But he said that he could not treat me properly, and I agreed to meet him. And the next day he was in the hospital, as she resumed disease, and two weeks later I visited him every day, so that met all his relatives. It was from him, probably not planned, because he did not know how to treat his family to the phenomenon of foreign and non-Christian friend. Overall, I liked it, because I was shy and did not know what to say, and so more and more silent in their presence. When we found out at the parish about our relationship, rose silent panic. Orthodox our people tried to help me, but more and more pushed me to Islam ...
In Christianity, I can not do anything, can not hear God, I can not get through to him. And Fatih guarantee me that Islam - also correct religion (in which I have almost no doubt). On the street I always saw Muslim women and their faces seemed to me as clean (internally) and hijab (Muslim clothes) I also really liked him, I really wanted to dress up as well.
I read a lot about Islam and decided that it is worth trying to reach out to God through another small window. I slid the idea of Christ as God in the far corner of the heart and said, martyrdom, and then made ablution and started making pre-learned by rote prayers. I also wore a scarf and immediately changed the name ...
Soon after we got married according to Muslim rites. Islam does not give me the expected. I do not feel anything. I tried to reach out to God, but he did not answer me in any way, not even any sign. Only in the Bible, sometimes opening it to a random place, suddenly I was reading the answers to their questions. To pray was very hard. Five times a day repeating the same verses from the Koran in Arabic - what's the point? Is Prayer? Did not see any sense. It had nothing to do with the Christian prayer, where you can pray and mentally, and with all my heart, in the words already written prayers or your own words. In Islam, there is only Dua - prayers that can be spoken in their native language. In them I have often asked God to show me the right path. What is the meaning of fasting during Ramadan, if you load up the evening so that you feel sick, and the day you were so weak that he can not do anything? And from the women still required and the fact that they were preparing food for breaking the fast.
Was painful for me, and the fact that you're nothing without the community, and to break away from the community - a great sin. And how could I join the society in which everyone spoke exclusively in Turkish? It's not only that, I'm just a child accustomed to independence. Family Fatiha was not much a believer. This family is generally very problematic. Father of the player, the mother of a mentally ill, so all the family problems always come to swallow. After wash dirty linen in public - it is also a sin. (If you hit the husband or mother in law, as a Muslim you must not tell anyone about this.) And she had a very hard in her husband's family because their parents did not love her husband, and the husband is beaten. But what of those who killed, beat the real thing. In the 15 years of his life in Germany, she never learned to speak German. Her education 7 classes. Many European women wonder why Turkish women do not leave their husbands who beat them. Due to the fact that the structure of society community, they just do not know how to live without my family. Better to let Plohenky, but family. Their personality is almost at zero. They all depend on the society, on the opinion of this company and of its solutions. Recently, it was unbearable for me. If everything is going to go into nature, and you do not want - you've got to go. Otherwise, you just do not respect. If all sit and eat, and you're not - you're an outcast. In Fatih another older brother (Mehmet), Junior (Ilker) and younger sister (Nergiz). Older brother - pet, Fatih has less love, because not born, Ilker was from early youth morbidly fat, Nergiz very shy, fat and hunchbacked girl who for some reason have a 12 years old also began wearing a headscarf. This it seems to be even more ripped off from the world, and through this and the normal development of the personality. She has no friends, after school, she sits in the living room and watches Turkish television.
Irritated me so unusual for me hierarchy, when I came to visit, (this was before the conversion to Islam, because after I was already "own" all the duties), Fatih asked me if I wanted mineral water. When I answered "yes," he said this Ilker, Ilker also sent Nergiz. So it is the parents. If they are asked to do something Fatiha, he asked İlker, and he asked Nergiz (most ordered, and did not ask, because they were not in the lexicon of the word "please"). As a result, men have grown lazy. When I came, it was necessary to do mnogoe me, since I did not turn the language to transmit a request Nergiz poor thing. Should be noted that in general, our relationship with Fatih were not quite so smooth.
After I converted to Islam, I was often fall into hysterics, while scratching his face and hands, trying to drown out the physical anguish. Where was the pain? Probably from the abyss that was formed between me and God. Fatih was trying to control me completely out of fear that something happens to me, for fear of losing me. He made me do things that are in his eyes matched my new status. I had a few times a week to come to their home and help his mother, with whom we had no common language. She spoke only Turkish. I had to go to madrassas, where I was unbearably boring, so the women were doing just the economy, sweating in head scarves and blouses with long sleeves. Strange men were not, but it taught all the family head. They even slept in headscarves.
I had as much time to spend with your family. In this case, Fatih talked to them in Turkish, and I sat as penechek, understanding nothing and getting bored, because not used to not occupy their minds with something useful, even if the book. Read it did not allow me to almost nothing but books of Said Nursi (the founder of the branch of Islam), and perhaps that of the Quran, but only in Arabic. But since my childhood I used to read a lot, and very rarely it was bad for the soul of the book. I have not read detective stories and novels, but Fatih from me, and psychology, and obschepoznavatelnuyu literature and classics. I was not allowed to go anywhere without his knowledge. This in itself is not so bad if it is at least sometimes something allowed. Almost all of what I asked him, he forbade me. I mean, I already started to do things in secret, simply because the prohibition prevailed. So, I secretly studied the Russian language, reading the classics. Turkey was given to me not so bad, but because of the terrible mental imbalance and constant fear of the wrath of Fatih, I just could not find the Turkish forces to engage systematically. In his family, I still remained a stranger, since I do not know the language and could not understand the culture itself. How can so much and often sit and gab, doing nothing?
I was struck by lack of development of individual thinking and generally thought as such. As a rule, men were separated from the company of women, and then I have not even had a chance to ask Fatiha what the conversation. Fatih was terrified of my tantrums and sometimes just do not know what to do with me. As it turned out, he was too poor is constantly lived in fear that will bring me out of myself. And he, having a good intuition, felt like I was not quite sincere with him and not trust him. He often had nightmares that I take my handkerchief and riotous living. And so our relationship was full of fear and resentment. Before the betrothal (imam Nikah), all the same it was very painful, because we had to find out what we are going and to learn more about our rights and responsibilities of marriage. That's when it all started. He tried to convince me that I, as a woman, must be led by a man (especially in the spiritual aspect), which can not be any other way that I have no right to make her own decisions. He said that a man and woman are not equal, all the while saying that she is not worse than the men. I replied that he treats me like a little child. I have no solutions can not accept. Everything is decided for me. I argued that for my spiritual growth I need to try to walk most bumps and stuff.
We took a book about Muslim marriage and found out some interesting things. It turns out that he has the right to beat me slightly in the case of disobedience. The right to divorce I was not there, with some exceptions (his impotence, falling away from the faith, or if he takes a second wife). While Christ stood at the door and knock on my heart is feeling it, began to burst. Discovering Christ or leave the door closed to Fatih not run away? And in the day of our engagement I, all in any doubt, my mother took from the shelf the brochure "Christian woman." After reading it, I was filled with such happiness that I'm a woman! Christian women, what high rank, what role it high! After all, Christ became incarnate in the Virgin Mary. Salvation came through a woman in the world! Oh, this is how it really is. I saw a submission to the household head in a completely different light. Because Christianity is the concept of humility ... Reading this book gave me the courage to still marry Fatih. The betrothal was modest. My parents were not. Speaking of them. Mom patiently endured all this time my pain and my dad lost his daughter in me. Only when I had returned to Christ, he said that the feeling is, if I was not here a few years and then I came back. He is very experienced. After the engagement, nothing has changed. We did not live together, I do not know why. So it has turned out. However, once I started reading Christian books, including this site ("Orthodoxy and Islam"). I began to rethink things.
Then I offered Fatiha move in with me. We lived together for about a month. This time, it was very heavy. I sat my mother (she lives nearby) and was afraid of coming home Fatiha, as he wanted me to stay home. Fatih, in turn, was afraid to come home in this atmosphere of fear and anxiety. I talked with the priest. It is advised to start slowly bring to the Fatiha, that I can not be a Muslim. I started from afar. Fatih soon went to Turkey for 2 months. While he was gone, I took a sip of freedom, and realized that I can not go on like this. We chatted on the Internet, and I explicitly stated that maybe Islam is not my way. He persuaded me to come to Turkey. There we fought a lot, and I am more and more aware that since then can not go. Fatih accused me of many faults, and I agreed with him. I really saw all their wickedness and sin, selfishness, and pride, and more. But how could I fix it? After all, Islam does not have any answers for it! In Islam, they say, as you should do, but does not say what to do if you can not. But Christ came to earth and took away all our sins. And if we turn to Him and He will pray for the eradication of sin, and partake of His cleansing blood and Pure Body, then gradually accomplished a transformation.
What do I use if I say "do" or "do not do it." I'm weak. And so, after another argument, I said Fatih, I do not see any other way how to become a Christian. I can not change for the better in Islam, and he wants me to change for the better. Since we do not cease to give up. At first he gave me time to think, is this really what I want. I flew to Germany a few days later he arrived. He came not to me but to the parents, and began to live as long as they have. Meanwhile, I put an icon in the apartment and brought a couple of Orthodox books. When he came to me, he asked me what I had decided. The answer, he saw in the form of icons. He immediately left. He said that things will pick later. A few days later I went to church on the feast Krestovozdvizheniya. He called me on my cell and told me to now has been home since he wants to take things. I said that I can not, because today the big holiday. Then it just came to church. This irritation I've not seen it yet, he made me go with him. He said to me something like: "I pouznaval have knowledgeable people, it turns out, I have no right to be married to you, if you are a Christian, it is forbidden by Sharia (meaning my apostasy). Be a Muslim, or we must part forever. And now, your life means nothing, every Muslim is allowed to kill you. "
That night and several times I succumbed to the entreaties. I tried to convince the Fatiha, I was not a Christian and not a Muslim because they do not already know what to believe. I kind of caught between the two religions. Of course, all this was just a continuation of betrayal to Christ. Fatih could not leave me forever, and then we fought, then reconciled. He blamed me for everything, he scolded me for what I brought him to sacrifice the impossible (the faith). Every time he parted with me forever, and returned each time. And I, in the meantime, more enchurched, confession and communion. What about the fact that according to Sharia, he has no right to be married to me, he said that it was false information, and he will continue looking at me like I was his wife. I calmed down by the time completely. Tantrums stopped as soon as I decided to leave Islam, although the situation was very favorable to mental disequilibrium. Our relationship has led to a dead end, and we knew it. But did not find the strength to leave. We celebrated the third anniversary of our relationship, and soon found out that our marriage is not valid because it is automatically canceled when the falling away from the faith of one of the spouses. And yet again we parted. Previously, it was only Fatih, and now I decided to help him, because I suddenly realized that this is selfish - keep it to yourself, once our relationship to it - sin. And I tried to give it up. But it did not. All this is very hard, he feels something in me, from what I can not forget. Even if we do not see each other week, for it is intolerable. This not only three years close relationship. I'm sure he feels the grace of Holy Communion.