As strange as it sounds, but marriage is a purely human invention and is not numerous enough to the field of the phenomena that distinguish man from other living creatures.
The most Vile illusion is the idea that a man and a woman - the two poles of man and any marriage between any woman and any man should obey the same laws. Where does this delusion ? It is clear that a simple comparison of a person with our smaller brethren .
In the human world , as we have seen , there are at least four types of marriage between men and women , radically different from each other , and the four main types of marriage, each of which requires a very special life strategies and tactics.
Four main types of marriage have each his task and his destiny. One and the same action or event in a marriage can be a great boon , and in the other great evil . And so it is important to understand the important thing is that there is no recipe and no rules apply equally to all marriages. Just as there is no known successful or knowingly failed marriage . Any marriage is possible with the right attitude to it to save, but just as any, most good marriage , inappropriate for him , to ruin .
Of course , all the problems of marriage is not limited to the precise execution of instructions. And it is impossible . As a general rule , a person engaging in social life, already has a certain stereotype of marriage. And whichever of the four types of marriage, he got none , he still tries to carry out his ideal of marriage. This is largely due to national and cultural traditions. If the national stereotype suggests headship of the husband in the family, it is difficult to rely on luck in equal or spiritual marriage . If dominated by the idea of sex , the harder it will be to carry out the female marriage .
Of great importance for the formation of the initial installation has married parents. Very often, children tend to unconsciously repeat the marriage of parents, or, conversely, to create something diametrically opposite.
And yet , you need to understand that marriage is quite manageable . Unlike love, mystical feeling , it is based on reason and the adjustment of the relations of the spouses in a marriage is possible. Most often, a teacher in a marriage is a life . The couple who try to maintain their alliance , try different options and often find the escape route .
But the movement of blind too difficult and precarious employment , life is short and power is not unlimited . The crisis , which is a modern marriage , testifies to this . The man is no longer relies on religion , the law , as in past years , and he is looking for ways to your family happiness. The case , in fact, not so much to the happiness of parents , and that marriage is unthinkable without the normal life of society itself - crippled psyche of children , the collapse of social life - that's the price the crumbling institution of marriage.
If you have not created a family , or are adjusting your union , you have to understand one thing: whatever the stereotypes of your marriage by creating a family of one of four types , you can achieve success in a marriage only in the event that your family will evolve according to the laws dictated by this particular union , or the family will not.
Summing up the experience we have the material , we can say that the best marriage at a young age is a female marriage . This marriage is extremely seductive ease of establishing relations , quickly achieved harmony. An indispensable condition for this type of marriage is the education of children. Actually, this is the only marriage in which a person is like all living beings, who are , as we know , obeying the law of procreation.
Leo Tolstoy and the Countess , Chaliapin and Tornagi , Meyerhold and Zinaida Reich , Vysotsky and Marina Vlady. In their marriages, raising children is paramount . Of course, there 's not just the children in these marriages is very important peaceful tranquil setting , the children do not allow spouses to enter into too close contact , giving sozmozhnost communicate through their mediation, through taking care of them. Mandelstam had no children, but the marriage allowed Osip Mandelstam keep creative individuality , feel free.
In this marriage is very important to prevent attempts to improve the already good relationship. Attempts to advance the contact, take a common cause can destroy the harmony of living together .
That's why marriage began of Tolstoy , had to get a divorce from Chaliapin Iola Tornagi . Big personalities begin to look closer contact with his wife , it becomes more important than the freedom of creativity and personality and empathy , complicity in the works .
Children do not become a hindrance in either case is not too deep of marriage - marriage romantically . The society is as widespread installation of marriage gentle and inextinguishable feelings, as in the marriage for the children. The romantic marriage inspires a man inspires him , calling for feats to conquer the peaks. Dreams of a life, we recall the wonderful love the Master and Margarita ( Bulgakov ) , Bukharin and Larina , Sakharov and Bonner .
But the retention of affection in this marriage also requires certain conditions. This marriage is built on . illusions, which can not destroy . Clashes this marriage with domestic turmoil devastating for him. If the cluster married life - it is an aid, then . here it is - a hindrance.
Finally , the third ideal of marriage - a marriage of equal individuals , spouses - associates. This ideal is realized in an equal marriage . Usually, if the first two marriages begin to sparkle at once, for the flourishing of such a union takes time and work . This is a marriage for people formed obsessed with his work . Chaliapin, leaving the nesting marriage , comes precisely equal marriage with Maria Petzold . Dostoevsky came to his marriage with Snitkina also did not immediately have a mature master , just when it was needed a wife - collaborator .
Comrades in the revolutionary struggle were Lenin and Krupskaya. The absence of children in such a union is not a disadvantage . The main thing - a common cause.
Turgenev to Pauline Viardot , well, of course , cinematic marriages Shukshina , Dovzhenko, Rossellini with Bergman, Klimov with Shepitko .
In such a marriage communication is an equal and that the communication should be implemented in a common cause .
Well, finally , the fourth type of marriage - marriage is a spiritual one. It is like no other accommodates almost all the ideals of marriage and the installation and therefore imposes higher requirements to the man . To this union has played with all the colors , it is necessary not only time, but also painstaking, relentless work .
In the early years of such a marriage is not the power of many , even such titans of spirit as block or Tsvetaeva hardly reach harmony in the spiritual marriage.
This marriage , the least desirable in the early years , it is present in mature when a person seeks to maximize the spirituality and not too concerned about the education of children who make a living , quick impact on the business.
Nicholas Roerich, Helena Roerich , and perhaps the most striking example of the spiritual marriage. They did not spend time looking for the right path to marriage, and on a whim or because of their high spirituality immediately embarked on the right path.
It is no accident Tjutchev came to his last love with Denisiev the age of spiritual quest and found happiness in this union .
Awareness of heterogeneity marriage - it does not call for polygamy . Just everyone has to realize that it is always a choice. A person should understand that it is more important to him : the children , the passion of love , work, spiritual intimacy .
Well, the most important - is to realize that no one marriage can not wait for everything at once.
Perhaps the biggest mistake of all who enter into marriage , is precisely what they want from marriage all at once - and an established way of life, and a vibrant love, and children , and spiritual intimacy. Understand that this is not possible in full, it is very difficult , but necessary , that this is the main idea of the philosophy of marriage.